Getting over your fears

A black and white cat walked into my garden the other day, I bent down to stroke its little head “Hello pretty” I said

“Oh my god, I just casually stroked a cat!” Was my next thought

This cliffhanger of a non-story may seem justifiably trivial to you but to me, it was a revelation

I have been terrified of cats my whole adult life

Proper full on irrational fear… phobia

Brought on no doubt from growing up sharing a house with the ginger hellcat that was our Fluke

I would completely avoid people’s houses who had a cat, I’ve screamed and panic-ran jumped on furniture, used people as a human shield, and generally caused embarrassing scenes

I even upended a table full of drinks on holiday in an attempt to get away all because a cat walked under it

It was embarrassing

I also couldn’t help it

So, feeling a bit desperate with another holiday looming… I got hypnotized

And it worked, to a degree

I wasn’t enjoying them anytime soon but I was able to sit still as a cat walked by

It got a bit hairy when there were a few of them waltzing about under the table at dinner, but I was still able to keep it together. Just.

That level of improvement would’ve been good enough for me, I didn’t even hope for more but the universe works in mysterious ways…

When I came back from France in a hurry with nowhere to live

My gorgeous friend had me stay with her

She has two cats, one normal size, the other bloody enormous

I knew I’d have to keep it together

I could tolerate them

I had to

My lovely friend then announces I must leave my bedroom door ajar otherwise the cats would pull the carpets up

“Eh??!” My silent dismay

“Mayday Mayday… Cats wandering about in the dark whilst I’m asleep!.. are you freaking kidding me??!!”

I smiled weakly

“Sure thing, it's their house…” I felt sick

My friend is one of the most beautiful people on the planet and as well as my being totally grateful that she took me in at a moments notice, I also didn’t want to upset her by expressing my absolute horror at the thought of her ‘babies’ wandering about in the night being.. cats

Obviously, these two were very interested in me, something new to investigate… thoroughly

“Keep it together Rach” I silently breathed

And I did keep it together

But... once I’d been there a while and got used to them being around I actually started delighting in them

I would talk to them in a cutie voice and call them “the kids”

I’d check where they were to make sure they were comfy cozy and take snaps of them to chuckle over with their mummy

And when the massive one woke me up by gently claw-tapping my fucking face “Good morning my big boy” was my sleep-smiley response and I happily popped downstairs to sort their breakfast… at 5am

Oh, my Gawd… Am I going to end up cat-lady after all?