Meeting a new man

If you suspect you’ve been preventing yourself from meeting a new man, read this.

I was chatting with a woman recently who had been single for a few years. She had a good life, house, car, friends, career, activities she enjoys doing, all the trappings of a successful life. The only thing missing for her's was she had no man in it, and hadn’t had for some time.

Now this woman was beautiful, a really gorgeous, funny, warm, intelligent woman. Any amount of men would’ve been only too happy to be with her.

The trouble was… she couldn’t really see it.

She didn’t think she was a gargoyle or an idiot, not by any stretch, but she couldn’t see how amazing she was either her inner AND outer beauty.

She couldn’t see what I could see!

So, she wasn’t attracting any men, not the right types anyway.

Nope - She had her Invisibility Cloak on, the cloak we wear to make sure we don’t get hurt, embarrassed, or abandoned, again.

This cloak comes in many guises, a few of them are

“nobody approaches me”

“I’m too fussy”

“I haven’t got time for a man in my life”

“All the good ones are taken”

“who decent is going to want me”

“I just don’t fancy anyone”

There are lots of others too that are repeated aloud or inside our heads and in turn, become our reality.

One big whopper or a few little insidious ones depending on the situation. Either way, both are a convenient (or very inconvenient, depending on how you look at it) and effective way to remain closed down - ie invisible = unhappily-single

Here is a little analogy for anyone who feels they are inadvertently doing this

If you have a giant splinter in your arm, you can initially keep people from getting too up-close-and-personal so it doesn’t get touched and wait for it to get better.

When you notice it’s been sore for a while you can nip the end of it off, sprinkle on a bit of potion, cover it with a plaster and feel like you’ve done the necessary.

Then over time when the embedded splinter gets infected, you can build all kinds of contraptions around it to ensure nothing gets near the sore.

If the contraption gets a bit big you can allow for this by only going to safe places, with people who understand the contraption and where there’s room to allow for it.

If it all gets a bit heavy, you can build some scaffolding to hold it in place…. And if it all that gets a bit much you can always just go the whole hog and just quit leaving the house altogether.

Job done.

Phew.

Or  - You can go in.

Remove the splinter.

Put on some antiseptic… and let it breathe.

You can do this alone, or if you need it, with help.

There may be some initial discomfort or pain but soon enough you’re free to bump into anybody you like, and to dive into any ball (gene) pool you fancy.

That may sound flippant but I’m making light of a problem that’s very real.

And for some of my clients, the problem was this - They just couldn’t see how fucking amazing they were.

“Well, if I’m so great why did he (they) do (or not do) this, that or the other.?”

“If I’m so great why are they not beating a path to my door?”

Etc… etc…

But it’s not “them” that’s the issue. It’s our relationship to ourselves that determines the quality of our relationships, and of our lives.

I laughingly call myself Love Bomb because one of my favourite obsessions is helping someone go from unhappily single to being in a relationship and all loved-up.

It’s a total joy to me.

But know this.

I will start with you.

I have zero qualms about sounding “naff”

You’re going to love yourself first

Our relationship to self is paramount

And it’s at the core of what I teach

It’s all there waiting for you

You’ve just got to realise how fucking amazing you are!