A Thousand 1st Dates | LOVE, Part 1
I was single and unhappy about it so I did what lots of people do… I signed up to a dating site
There are hundreds of options on there, possibly thousands, so I commenced dating
I wrote an ‘about me’ put some nice photos up and started the process.
I’d done all this before so I knew what to do. I also knew it worked. I’d met my previous chap on a site so all good
Here we go, I’d be ‘liked’ or ‘interested’ whatever that site version was. We’d start emailing, have a wee chat on the phone then met up
Easy peasy
We met, had a chat and a coffee…Nice enough, but not for me
That’s fine
Next
The process repeated, ‘liked’ email, phone-chat, meet up. Yeah, nice enough, but not for me
That’s fine
Next
And it was fine… until I noticed that this happened and happened and happened and happened
Nobody got my interest
That’s ok… Isn’t it?
Next
Then, I couldn’t be bothered going
I started changing dates, postponing, and generally mucking people about
This is starting to feel like a job. And not a job I’m enjoying
Why are all these guys not great?? Where are all the brilliant ones??
I carried on and carried on
I used to joke that a little country pub close to my home was “The scene of a 1000 first dates”
Because it was
Some got a 2nd date, most didn’t and the odd one managed a few months but nothing much more
This process and the same results carried on and on and on
And, apart from one chap who was definitely 100 years older than his photo, there wasn’t much wrong with these guys
They weren’t getting my attention but nothing I could really put my finger on
Until I did some internal reflecting
And then it struck me what was wrong with them all
What their collective fatal flaw was
Their crime-in-common
…They weren’t my ex-love
Shit
That was it
The only thing wrong with them was they weren’t the actual guy I wanted them to be
How could they be?
He didn’t really exist
The man I wanted so much was the funny, sexy, gentle, strong, Mr Wonderful my ex was… if you removed all the things that didn’t work between us.
But that person didn’t exist
I made him up
So I had no choice
I had to give him up
Or did I??….
I’ve never been one to give up easily
So, after 3 1/2 years without speaking, I set about getting him back
And get him back I did
We came together like something from an overly exaggerated romance novel
I walked into the room
He strode over to me
I rushed into his arms
We held each other for an age
He felt the same, he smelled the same, he was the same, My Man, My Beloved Man
We went out into the garden and sat down on a little bench, glass of wine in hand, untouched
I looked into his eyes
“I love you..”
“I love YOU” he replied
Oh the joy
I knew it
I knew we were supposed to be together, we were made for each other
Yes we’d had difficulties, yes there were issues, but that’s all in the past
We’re better now, we’re different now
The joy
Only
We weren’t different, we weren’t better
We were the same people who, despite all the love, simply didn’t work as a couple
It fell apart quickly
A matter of months
I knew it was right
It hurt
But I knew it was right
It’s time Rach
It’s time….
This time…. To do the work